Cost Benefit Analysis of Ruining my Child’s Childhood

Andie seems to do some really funny things when bathing, and I’m frequently trying (and missing) to capture a gem.  Well, this past weekend I caught what could be considered the holy grail of hilarious and exploitative material – a snippet that has the potential to go more viral than a cat falling curiously off the side of a couch while reaching for something.  As my iPhone began to roll, a humongous, water-displacing fart rumbled out of my 27 pound darling.  A fart that you’d think to be generally reserved for a 300 pound man, exploded out of the kiddo and she immediately started riffing on it.

“It’s poopy daddy!”

“Big Poopy!”

“Poop-tastic.”  (or some derivation)

Thankfully there was no poop.

Now, like you, I’ve spent probably 1,000’s of hours of watching dad’s get hit in the nuts by ill-set-up tee ball equipment on America’s Funniest Home Videos (AFV to those of us in the know), and if there’s one thing I’ve learned from all of that time spent – fart jokes are 3rd only to crazy animal behavior or the aforementioned nut-shot-to-dad-while-playing-tee-ball (NSTDWPTB for short) in terms of both laughability and likelihood of prize money.

You know how all communication nowadays is structured around a pun - well - this was the pioneer. "Thar she blows" might have been a nice one if this video were to get on TV in 1989.

I watched some AFV this weekend to verify my suspicion that this video could actually be a gold mine and my suspicions of grandeur were confirmed.  This has the potential to make Andie’s daddy a very rich man for a couple of months.  If you win one show it’s like $10,000 and if you win the whole season it’s $1,000,000 (although this is the same as it was in 1989 – so how about a little consideration to inflation!).  Like you, I immediately thought of all the fly cars and clothes that that mil will buy me and I even put a down payment (or was it a retainer?) on a helicopter time-share I’ve had my eye on.

It’s going to be amazing how rich I’ll be!

Then the funniest thing happened, I started to think about how getting massive attention for a video of yourself in a bathtub farting might affect Andie as she grows up.  Would that negatively affect her?  Or… could it possibly give her that springboard to the even more lucrative Disney/Nick Kids/Spike TV world that we’ve both always dreamed of?

A small part of me thinks there could be some fallout as she grows up, but then, we’ll be so rich that I can simply pay to have it removed from the internet later right?  Or at the very least I’ll be able to afford some very fancy therapy for myself to help me cope with those negative feelings associated with ruining your child’s life.

Check out this video of a cat falling off the side of a couch and tell me it’s not hilarious?  TELL ME!  That’s what I thought.  So… I should go for it right?

Please help me make my decision by filling out this one question poll.


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2 thoughts on “Cost Benefit Analysis of Ruining my Child’s Childhood

  1. Chris April 17, 2012 at 7:36 pm Reply

    Sounds to me like u have a sure thing. Submit that thing.

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