Inkling of overprotective dad syndrome (OPDS)…

I guess what I’m about to hypothesize is pretty obvious to anyone who lives or spends a lot of time in “these places.”  I live where it rains and everyone wears fleece year-round, even to bed, but I’ve been spending some time in Phoenix and and other hot, landlocked places for work and there is a plethora of surgically enhanced breasts. I’ve also spent some time in the landlocked south, Atlanta specifically, and it’s pretty ubiquitous. Yet, my time in Honolulu and Rhode Island has seemingly not exhibited the same thing to me – and I thought, why?  Why god?

Los Angeles is obviously a place that is not-land-locked (near the ocean) and has a lot of cosmetic surgery, but LA is the 2nd biggest city in the US and as a per capita, I’m going to go ahead and make a leap and say that it’s not as high a % of fake breasts as Charleston SC, or Birmingham AL, wait Charleston isn’t landlocked, hmmmmmm….

I have a theory as to why women in these places do this, and it’s not just because it’s hot and they wear less clothes.  It’s because the men they are trying to impress are very stupid (their daddy’s), and these women’s dads are basically assholes.  Why else would they be living somewhere that doesn’t have an ocean by it?  I’m willing to admit that this theory has not been fully “fleshed” out yet, but I think I might be on to something.

Considering the advancements in modern medicine, and frankly both the financial and mental resources dedicated to this — the average breast augmentation surgery “node” will last 20+ years, which is much safer than the previous iterations which lasted on average about 3 months* (that became untenable considering it took about 2 months to heal – ouch!).

Then again, if you were going to live somewhere that is in close proximity to an ocean, bouyancy might be pretty important to you?  Regardless, what was my point?  I don’t know there are just so many beautiful women here in Arizona I lost my train of thought.

Regardless, as someone with a daughter, I’m pretty happy that I live where it’s cold and people stay covered up and there isn’t as much pressure to “enhance.”   That’s a pretty great thing.

I don’t think I’ll be an overbearing or overprotective father, but if she thinks she’s wearing that out, she’s crazy!  I most certainly will not buy her enhanced breasts for her 16th birthday no matter how much she begs me, unlike those horrible parents in the UK (

Yes, I’ve been blathering nonsensical – which I think is the first sign of Overprotective Dad Syndrome (OPDS).

Because it’s close to Halloween, and I sat next to a young woman on a plane recently who told me, “I don’t really ever have a costume, I just throw on lingerie!” I felt like all this giberish needed to be said, and I can confidently say Andie will be going as a “naughty” _____ until she is about 6 years old, and only because she really is pretty naughty, not because her costume has an exposed midriff.  She will never have an exposed midriff.

*based on my rough “guestimate”

FYI - this woman has a father, a real sh*tty one.


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