Stanislaus Mike, the most vetted of the participants, perhaps the most accomplished, was excited to get back on the “crick” – to taste what was once ice cold Tecate in his mouth, to swirl it with giant mouthfulls of river water as his inner tube goes rushing by him. The excitement quickly turns to fear as he tries to remember which action to take: 1) feet up, or perhaps, 2) like a rocket ship pointed down-river? Face first as to not graze any giant prehistoric crick boulders or felled trees? Rocket ship obviously, and then PFFFFFFFHEW,da;lfjsdpfajds;lfajsdl;faj;sdlfjasdjfa;klsdjfasdjf;alkjdsfklajas- PPFFFFFffffshooo- PLUUUUUUUUUUUUGH…. and Ecstasy. Absolutely.nailed.it.
The jorts are not tight enough, they might get caught on a boulder. Pulling him down by the jorts would be a humiliating way to die.