As I’ve been doing some recent work on TourVolume ~ “Concert Listings with Volume”, it’s gotten me thinking back to some old show’s I used to enjoy going to so much.
The Dan Band at the Fillmore in 2005 wouldn’t actually be a great example of a show I so thoroughly enjoyed, but I hated it enough to write about it. What’s crazy is that really funny movies (most recently The Hangover) keep featuring TDB in the same scene, and it works (awkward wedding band that mortifies father of the bride). I hope you enjoy this mildly entertaining and sloppily written concert review of the Dan Band. My goal in reproducing this is not just to add filler content to my blog, but as a warning. If I can prevent just one person from buying a ticket to the next the Dan Band show, then this was worthwhile…
O.D.B. (Oh, Dan Band) – You Suck
Fillmore West – April 2005
How many times can you add a derivative of the word “f*ck” to an 80’s song and make it funny?
That’s what I was pondering as I left the worst concert I have seen in my entire life. After seeing The Dan Band my answer to this would have to be zero – however if Dan himself were answering – he would say at least eight to ten times per song in every song ever recorded. Simply add it to any chorus and you have created uproarious comedy.
I’ll start from the beginning: A large group of friends were deciding what to do on the rare occasion that most of us could get together. I suggested that someone pick up the latest issue of the Guardian and see what shows were playing that night. In under two minutes, I got an excited call back, “Dude, The Dan Band is headlining the Fillmore. I saw them in L.A. and they were awesome!” My initial response was that of most people upon hearing the name, “The Dan Band”–specifically, “Who?” Well, I was quickly informed that they are famous for the opening wedding scene in the movie, “Old School,” and that they were funny, talented and played awesome 80’s music. After several cell phone consultations we decided this was our best option, because not only had they been vouched for, but 80’s music is fun to dance and act stoopid-to.
My problems with The Dan Band began before I even got into the show. First, one of the Fillmore security guards had a really bad attitude about me trying to scalp a ticket in front of the joint (can you believe the nerve?). My friend had missed a flight from DC, and it wasn’t like I was turning Dan Band tickets, this ain’t the Stones people. For his part the security guy seemed very pleased to inform me that The Dan Band would only be playing until 10:45 or 11:00. 10:45! The show started at 10 pm and it was already 10:15. In the parlance of Dan Band, Fan-fucking-tastic! I ate the ticket, and went in to get my 20 bucks worth, or about a $1 per minute, of unadulterated The Dan Band enjoyment. When I got in, my friends were probably the drunkest people there, and oddly enough, weren’t loving it.
Not to say that they don’t have the most discerning taste in music, but almost anything sounds good after nine cocktails. Conspicuously the only people that seemed to be enjoying the spectacle was our friend who vouched for them, and the 75% of the audience who looked like they had just moved out of their fraternity house.
The only thing you need to know about the music and stage performance of The Dan Band is that it consists of 30 year old white guys with matching sharkskin suits and hula hoops adding four letter words to popular 80’s songs. They have a similar shtick to the far superior yet equally schmaltzy Richard Cheese and Lounge Against the Machine (Dick Cheese to his relatives and fans). When I caught Dick Cheese in Vegas a couple of years ago I was impressed with his timing and humor, traits which The Dan Band unfortunately, sorely lacked. The crowd was raucously and feverishly awaiting TDB’s signature tune, “You’re my fucking lady”. The crowd responded like this was Skynyrd playing “Free Bird” in 1973.
The sickest part of the whole thing for me was the fact that afterwards people actually liked this show. I ran into an acquaintance outside and she was absolutely ecstatic about how great they were. I almost threw up all over her. Glow in the dark hula-hoops and harmonizing swear words at the same time doesn’t make you talented, it makes you an entertaining party guests – certainly not worth $20 or the headlining spot at the historic Fillmore on a Saturday. This was a desecration of the holiest musical shrine in the country. Let them play a Tuesday at Bimbo’s and charge me $5 for the pleasure of it. I’m an eternal optimist, but there is truly nothing good to say about this show.
In hindsight I shouldn’t have been surprised they sucked so hard; most of my friends are idiots.