I am getting married this summer to the love of my life and I couldn’t feel luckier about it. She is an amazing person, a kind partner who puts up with me even when I’m terrible, and a great step-mom. We have adopted a hashtag on instagram, #makingpeoplebarf, that is supposed to be a joke, but definitely could be construed as “braggy” — humblebraggy, but braggy nonetheless¹. Believe me when I say that I am genuinely not trying to brag, it is my dumb way of alleviating guilt with a joke.
Coming from someone that was definitely in the romantic toilet for years at the end of my marriage and beginning of my divorce, I have mixed emotions about the happiness I feel. I feel guilty for romantic happiness. Not a Catholic-guilt in the romantic sense per se (but I probably have that too), but more a feeling of empathy for people who are giving up on love².
I get the feeling talking to some friends that they feel like it’s never gonna happen for them and that by talking about how much I love Fina, I am rubbing salt in their wounds.
I know when I was single-daddying at the beginning and feeling like I’d never again find anyone that could love me, that I didn’t actually feel jealous of romantic love. I didn’t feel anything hearing stories of conquest and it wasn’t some buddy out there with a ton of game that made me feel inadequate. I was definitely jealous of what I perceived as stable, happy unions. I hated my brother (who coincidently has never had any game), because it felt like he had made a successful family and partnership with his wife³ and I thought I would never have that. Perhaps I felt I didn’t deserve that.
I have many friends that desperately want to find “the one” and social media just exacerbates all of our feelings of inadequacies. I’m a realist and not going to tell you to quit compulsively checking what only makes your feel worse. It’s not advice I could give myself even though I knew it to be true.
What I will say is that there is a chance, a random encounter, something that could quite possibly happen when you least expect it that will turn this around. So go ahead and believe that it’ll work out for you. It did for me. Considering all of the cool things that are happening with marriage now, there’s never been a better time for that either.
Love you Jo and can’t wait to marry you.
¹ How do you like all of those 4 year old social media cultural references all in one sentence?!!?
² Reading that sentence kind of makes me want to punch myself in the face. SHUTUP YOU BLOWHARD!
³ That’s sick, I know I should be jealous of my friends that are crushing tinder. What’s wrong with me??